i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
