You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
