I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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