she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
