Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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