that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
