apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
