The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I didn't notice because vodka
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
