No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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