the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize