I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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