i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
