there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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