Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
