Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
