Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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