doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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