I think my vagina is haunted
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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