I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bring me that man meat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
