I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
do nipples grow back?
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