My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
