i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
