I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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