i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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