Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize