matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
