if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
