I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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