dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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