I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
