Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
