i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize