DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
