at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
