Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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