the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
