i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize