Your dad touched me again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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