If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
