I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
