Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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