Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
