it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
