Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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