Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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