You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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