Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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