At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
