I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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