i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
