Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize