then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He better not be in your backpack
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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