i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
