It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
