Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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