You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
