paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
