oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
