Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
