dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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