Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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