so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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