I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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