listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
