you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
