I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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