I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
