you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
