I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
