..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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